Father-Sons Weekend Rules

OK, boys. Mom has left for a four day week-end. I do not remember if this one is for scrap-booking, college reunion, a race, or what. In fact, I am not 100% sure where she is but I know it is the three of us for a few days. Let me take a few minutes to review how the rules change when Dad is flying solo.

1. The quality of your dining experiences are about to decrease. Actually, you can count on spending some time in a restaurant or seeing dinner delivered. No, it will not be McDonalds. Anything else you eat this weekend is probably coming out of some type of box.

2. Hey Ben. Dad does not play your night-time games. All those nightly calls for someone to come upstairs because you have a question about the weekend, you dropped a pillow and want mom to get it, you want someone to get you water or you want to plan a meeting of your comic-book club? You remember how those work on these weekends? You call downstairs. I remind you that mom is not home. You say, “Oh that’s right. You don’t play those games. Never mind.” That rule is in effect.

3. We all get one “Don’t Tell Mom” card. I will feed you something she does not like, I will break something, say something inappropriate, get bored and make an impulse buy, or get fed up with some mess mom left here and just throw everything away. I play my card and you play yours. I will not rat you out for spilling something, breaking something, or leaving some expensive item at school. That’s the deal, boys. Code of Silence. Omerta.

4. When I say we are leaving at 9:15, the car is rolling at 9:15. We are not walking out the door at 9:20 then running back inside for a billion different things. Better be ready to saddle up.

5. You will probably get a little extra video game time. Good for you, but you know this rule. You can ask me once. Fine. I will assume the next request was a reminder. The third request is nagging and every time I get nagged, you lose just a little more time. I kind of enjoy the breaks you gaming time gives me. I will not forget them. Let’s keep the nagging to a minimum.

6. Sure, we can stay up a little later for a guys’ night. I would hope you would give the courtesy of sleeping in a little extra in the morning. I would hope for it, but the data suggest I should not expect this.

7. We are going to have fun.

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