Things I’m thankful for

I did this series a few years ago on Facebook and thought it might be worth bringing up again.  Think of it as a blog version of a bad clip-show.  Anyway, here are some things I remain thankful for.

I’m thankful for the mass extinction of dinosaurs. Slogging into work on Mondays is hard enough. Doing it while being chased by velociraptors would have been unbearable

I am thankful for the person who invented twisty straws. One day he was drinking from a regular straw and thought, “Wow, this SUCKS! There’s got to be something better.” Thank you for making hydrating fun again

I’m thankful for automatic turn signals. As a child I thought I had to move the lever up and down to make the signal work. Oh the joy and thankfulness that followed when I discovered my error. I often take you for granted Mr. Turn Signal, but not today

I am thankful for the lack of scientific progress in the field of time travel. Lately, I’ve realized that there is SO much that I’d like to have done different, but if I had a time machine I’d probably accidentally create some really funky butterfly effects that would end up with me in a Turkish prison or something. I don’t need to deal with that. Thank you slow moving time scientist.

I am thankful for bacon. If I have to explain that any further, there is no election that will fix our world.

With a nod to Phineas and Ferb, I am thankful for the aglet. Oft overlooked in our society, I don’t know how we’d make it without our aglets. Take time to thank the aglets in your life today

I am thankful for my animalistic sex appeal. It’s the only logical reason that my wife hasn’t left years ago. That and my massive public school income

I am thankful for Riboflavin. While other nutrients grab the headlines with their miracle restorative properties and celebrity marriages, Riboflavin quietly goes about metabolizing my carbohydrates and proteins with little fanfare. Thank you riboflavin. My underrated hero

I’m thankful for my butt. Every day I callously hurtle my spinal column at benches, sofas and chairs but my butt is always there to soften the impact and prevent possible spinal injury. I could talk all day about my butt, but I’ll leave it at “Thank you.”  And “You’re Welcome” to all the ladies out there.

I am thankful for the virtually limitless number of choices men have when it comes to hair care products

I’m thankful that there have been relatively few sasquatch sightings in my neighborhood of late. Of course, I recently stopped doing shirtless Tae Bo in front of our picture window too

I’m thankful that I was never part of a gang that battled with choreographed dance. Not sure if the knives or steps would get me first. Yes, I took my wife to West Side Story last night

I’m thankful that the tattoo parlor now located a block away from my old fraternity party house didn’t exist between 1992-1996. Pretty sure my regret column would be more full. Come to think of it, I’m also thankful that digital photos weren’t really available at that time either

I am thankful that Twitter has made the # key relevant again. For years, I’ve watched and worried that # was going to go the route of the “cents symbol” key and that eventually I’d have to look at a keyboard with no #. Thanks Twitter for keeping the magic alive. #classickeyboards, #societyforkeyboardpreservation

I’m thankful that (for some reason) caffeine addiction is one of the only socially acceptable addictions. If that ever changes I could be fast tracked to skid row

I’m thankful that I did not put a lot of time into my Y2K preparation plan

I’m thankful that I no longer have to waste valuable seconds of my life rewinding VHS tapes after watching a movie.

I am thankful to discover that, in the event of some apocalyptical event, my family should be able to subside on what I found under our couch for about a month. Moving the chair next but think that should yield about a week.

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