Monday is…

Monday is to the week as….
* Arby’s is to restaurants
* Scrappy-Doo is to Scooby-Doo
* Alarm Clocks are to sleep
* Kids are to independence.
* Mountain Dew is to beverage.
* Ramsey is to Theon
* Aquaman is to superheroes.
* Decaf is to coffee
* Tomatoes are to fruit
* 40 is to Birthdays
* The Black Album is to Metallica
* The Hobbit is to The Lord of the Rings (Books. Read people)
* Chafing is to running
* Baldness is to sexy
* Spam is to meat
* Hangovers are to beer
* The Lions are to football
* Jar Jar is to Star Wars
* The anus is to the human body.

Any questions?


2016 Resolutions

I think I am one of the rare people who are pretty good at keeping New Year’s resolutions. The key is make something with a clear success/fail criteria and go with it. Vague resolutions like, “I want to be sexier” just don’t work. This is particularly true for those of us who have maxed out the sexy-meter. It has to be something more tangible.  Put a monthly reminder in your phone.  It helps.  My 2015 resolutions can be found here (click me) (Yes, I realize one of them falls under by definition of “vague” resolutions).

For 2016, I resolve to:

Try something new every month.
If I am honest with myself, the times I struggle the most in my life are when I am bored. I tend to let myself get in ruts or stay with things that I am comfortable with. Then I get bored and then I am less satisfied with my life.

This year I resolve to, at least once per month, do something that I have never done before. I do not need to sky-dive or spend a blurry weekend in Vegas with Jennifer Aniston to meet this resolution. Those would definitely count, and the Aniston weekend may just be good enough to count for three months, but my “new thing” does not have to be that big. A new restaurant, an evening with a new friend, sex in my new car. Anything like that would count.

My goal is to have these things be on the bigger side. I would like a few of them to end with “I never thought I would do that” or even end up on my regret list, but it is not realistic to expect that to happen every month. I am gonna lean on a few of you to help me go bigger, but I’ll be OK with most months just being something small, but new.

Get a new tattoo
I want to get a third, and final tattoo. I got my first one one my left arm when I was 26. Then I ran my mouth and said that if I was stupid enough to ever run a marathon, I would get a tattoo. After my third marathon last year, I figured that it was time to pay up.

I did my research, consulted with an artist and showed up for my appointment that had been booked for over a month. It was only at that time that I realized my design would only work on my left side. So now I have two tattoos on the same side of my body and just want something on my right side to even things out some. Sorry. No pics. My holiday diet has not been kind to me.

Of course, I have no idea at all what I want to do but I have twelve months to decide. Again, I am open to suggestions from any of you. I will immediately nix barb wire, any type of stupid bicep band, the Noid, dolphins, butterflies and fraternity letters (again, grateful that there were no tattoo shops close to my campus in the 90’s).

Give a monthly gift
I am resolving to give a random gift each month. I like giving things to people. I love making people happy and I really enjoy surprising them. Life is tough and little surprises can change a person’s day, week, or may even have a bigger impact than you ever know. During the Christmas season, I give gifts. I try to pick up a random tab at a coffee shop, grocery store, bar, fast-food restaurant, etc. I enjoy it and it makes people smile. Why limit that to December?

I am going to be a little selfish on this one. I am not going to do this for strangers. It has to be for people I know. I am going to try to get a little something each month for someone in my life. The goal is for this to be more of a casual acquaintance or someone outside of my “inner circle” of friends and it does not have to be big. I am just going to try to make someone’s day a little better each month.

Blog on at least one of two topics
There are two pretty personal topics that have been floating around in my head lately. I have pretty much mentally written the blogs during my runs but I have not been able to bring myself to put them into cyberspace yet. They are topics that I think could help someone, or at the very least would be nice to just throw out there but they are also pretty personal.

Part of the reason that I have not written them yet, is that this blog is so small-time. I personally know almost almost everybody that reads me (An obvious exception goes to whoever is following me in Brazil. Whoever you are, I appreciate that). That means that when I post something personal, I am probably going to come face-to-face with most of the people who read it. That can be awkward for me. It makes me feel way too vulnerable. I delete a lot of blogs about relationships or encounters because I fear that people will know who inspired them and think I am calling that person out rather than making a general observation. It’s a big part of the reason that I said I would pull the plug on this blog if I did not have 100 followers by January. I am not even close to that, but will keep this going for awhile (Help a guy out and hit that “follow” button on the right or share this blog).

Regardless, I am going to resolve to grow a pair and post on at least one of the topics I have been thinking about before December 31, 2016.

Keeping the streaks alive:
Of course, in 2016 I will continue my impressive streak of avoiding the following ill-advised temptations.
I will not:
1. Use the word “Bae”
2. Wear a douchey sock hat while indoors
3. Use the term “Woot”
4. Twerk
5. Post political or religious articles on Facebook
6. Use Rogaine
7. Smack a slow person in the self-checkout line
8. Carry a man-purse
9. Wear giant belt buckles
10. Drink Decaf.

I think these resolutions are attainable. I think that they can improve me as a person and maybe improve the world just a little bit.

Oh! The final key to sticking to resolutions? Accountability. Tell people about the resolutions. Ask them to check up on you. Give people progress. Or, you know, post it on the internet or something.